Well, hello, 2014. You're here, I'm about to start school again, and the movie rumors are confirmed for the Batman vs. Superman movie. The actress portraying Wonder Woman will be... Gal Gadot?
Okay, she was cute in the Fast & Furious movies (they tell me, I don't know, I've never seen them), but she's a twig with toothpicks for thighs. Not Wonder-Woman material at all.
You screwed over Joss Whedon's script for this?
Okay, I know that any movie titled, 'X vs. Y' is guaranteed to be crap, but still...
So I open up my 2014 set of rants with unabashed fury against the Hollywood standard of "beauty," one which apparently doesn't include women being shaped like real women - least of all female super-heroes. Scarlet Johansson had (and still has) an ass truly worthy of Marvel Comics, and was well cast for Iron Man 2 and 3. But do we get any meat on Wonder Woman's bones? Apparently not. Once again, it's nothing but scraps for us guys. Maybe it's because so many people in Hollywood are gay, but the standard seems to be that the ideal woman needs a butt shaped like that of an adolescent boy and not like a grown woman.
Fuck that. No, wait, I mean, who the hell would want to fuck that?
Redaction, added 1/14/14:
[Okay, the above is a little bit harsh. It makes it sound as though I think no skinny woman could be attractive, or that twiggy means unfuckable. No, that's not my point. Gal Gadot is clearly a hottie, and most guys would rate her a 9 or a 10. Besides, beauty comes in all shapes, all sizes, as a friend of mine pointed out. No, all I'm trying to say is that picking a skinny actress to portray Wonder Woman is a silly as picking a skinny actor to portray Superman. Why not pick Pee Wee Herman to play Conan, while you're at it?]
TANJITW; there ain't no justice in the world. We know who Wonder Woman is! Jennifer Lawrence! She's not just Katniss Everdeen from Hunger Games - she's got Wonder Woman written all over her!
Have we forgotten Marilyn? Have we forgotten Jane Mansfield?
Why, Hollywood? Why, oh why?
Just as a finishing thought: Are you one of those who hate the Kardashians? Or J. Lo? The reason they're as popular as they are has to do with the fact that a generous ass with a small waist is not just a black man thing - it's an every man thing. It's what we want, and if we can't get it from Hollywood, we have no choice but to seek it in alternative sources, such as reality TV or other ghetto-shit crap, where we love the women from the waist down but can't stand them from the neck up. Give us some real women with both a real ass and a real brain, and we'll be all over it, leaving the Kardashians as nothing but a discarded footnote in entertainment history.
I vote for brains and booty both!
Eric
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Monday, January 13, 2014
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