In a surprising turn of events, Bob the Tomato and Larry the Cucumber announced to the world they had gotten married in a private ceremony in Massachusetts, according to a press release on Tuesday.
“It’s official,” Larry told reporters over the phone. “We’ve worked together for years, and we’ve denied our self-identity for years. Now we get to share it with the world. We’re a couple of fruits!”
Two years ago, as was first reported on this blog, Bob the Tomato came out of the closet as a fruit. At the time, his longtime associate and business partner Larry insisted that he was still a vegetable and that he was dismayed at Bob’s announcement. Now, it appears that the Veggie Tales duo have been acting out more than just Bible lessons.
Not everyone is pleased at the news. Creflo Cabbage, the founder and president of Christians for the Culinary Arts, expressed his disapproval in an interview this morning on ‘Good Morning, Garden!’
“It’s an outrage!” he said. “This is the Veggie Tales, we’re talking about. They’re veggies! They’ve always been veggies! How the liberal left could have brainwashed both of these leaders of the Faith into thinking they’re a pair of fruits, I’ll never know.”
But Dr. Neil DeGrasse Tyson Chicken disagrees. “Actually, tomatoes and cucumbers are indeed scientifically classified as fruits,” he said in an interview on Meet the Garlic Press, “along with pumpkins, squash, zucchinis, and eggplants. They simply lack the sugars traditionally associated with fruit.”
Big Idea Productions, the company behind the Veggie Tales franchise, has been working over the last two years with a look-alike actor to replace the original Bob Tomato. Christian kids don’t seem to have noticed the slight difference in Bob’s voice, and have no clue that there was a recent shake-up. One might assume a similar action will be taken now that Larry the Cucumber has outed himself as well, and Big Idea is forced to protect its religious franchise. Officials there did not return this blog’s messages.
When the newly married Bob and Larry were asked about the latest gay rights hot-button topic, namely gendered bathrooms, they both laughed.
“It’s a made-up issue,” said Larry.
“Yeah,” agreed Bob. “I mean, we’re not going to go into the veggie bathrooms and, I dunno, stalk the celery.”
“Or bob the apples,” Larry added.