Go Easy On Teslas

It's becoming rather trendy for citizens to vent their fury upon Tesla Motors.

And why not? Tesla sales are the soft underbelly of Elon Musk's financial empire. As global sales of his cars plummet, Elon may slowly have to realize that Twitter may have to actually draw a profit for the first time since he's owned it.

Ouch.

Some big-name public figures, like Jason Bateman, Cheryl Crow, astronaut Mark Kelly, and Cassandra Petersen (a.k.a. "Elvira, Mistress of the Dark") have all given away their Tesla cars, sometimes giving them away to NPR as a donation.

The thing is, what the hell is NPR going to do with them?

In order for such a donation to really benefit public radio, those cars have to be re-sold. Only, who will buy them? People are making all sorts of assumptions about Tesla owners these days, and they're not always grounded in reality. Suppose someone buys a discounted Tesla from NPR, and then gets assumed to be MAGA, and their car gets spray-painted? Or tires slashed?

Not that long ago, only a few years even, it was pretty cool to own a Tesla. Owners could feel good about driving an electric vehicle. And sure, Elon Musk was starting to go off the rails, but it wasn't all that big a deal back then.

And now? Now we can't even own one second-hand?

It seems to me that owning a second-hand Tesla is a great way to own one, if one is to be owned at all. You pay the used car dealer, whether that be NPR, Esperanza Unida, or whatever organization you care to name, and you get a reliable electric vehicle which can get you from Evanston to Milwaukee on a single charge.

And Elon Musk doesn't get a dime.

Also, let's consider this angle: If new Teslas aren't selling, then the best way for Elon to make money off them is for his dealerships to purposely burn the car lots, blame left-wing protesters, and collect on the insurance. For all I know, Musk may be doing this already. Or maybe some of the footage we've all seen recently of Tesla dealerships on fire really were set by misguided activists. But attacking a Tesla dealership with fire is playing right into Elon's hands. Protest in front of the Tesla lot, sure, but leave the Molotov cocktails at home.

Let Elon try to fool the claims investigators on his own.

And if you really want to hurt Elon financially, and you just happen to be a computer programmer, help write some pirate software that allows second-hand Tesla owners to jail-break their cars. That way they can get top-notch performance without paying Elon a subscription, and be able to get repairs somewhere else besides an official Tesla dealership! That's the REAL way to hit Muskie in the financial 'nads!

So if you see a Tesla on the road, even if it's a cybertruck, give that person the benefit of the doubt, would ya? That person is at least leaving the oil companies in the dust, and that deserves to be lauded, whether its driver is left-wing or right-wing.

Said owner shouldn't have to plaster his car with Kamala or NPR bumper stickers just to keep it from getting a swastika painted on it.

Eric

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