Monday, February 18, 2008

Betty Bowers Rocks!

Well, friends, here's from Milwaukee, WI, which happens to be ground zero of the battle for the Democratic Party's nominee. It's Monday, February 18th, and everyone votes tomorrow. And wouldn't you know it, Betty Bowers, "the world's greatest Christian" has written an op-ed about this race that just left me in stitches! So, of course, I must share. Check it out!

Dear Readers:
As Jesus and I were discussing yesterday over a lovely bottle of Petite Sirah, neither Demon-cratic candidate looks likely to get enough delegates to clinch the nomination before the DNC Convention. This means that the road to Denver is going to be loaded with tricks, gambits and cases of TNT that will likely explode in the detonator’s face. A lagging Hillary, playing a cagey Wiley Coyote to Obama’s serene Roadrunner, just named the latest anvil she intends to drop. She is going to lobby (which is how polite people spell “sue”) to allow the Michigan and Florida delegates to vote. Michigan and Floidia (a state that has been, frankly, nothing but trouble since they drained the swamps and put up gold-flocked wallpaper and tur quoise nautical-themed colonnades) were penalized for violating the rules of the DNC (and, in Florida’s case, also the rules of good taste). The DNC, acting like the world's most frosty, Germanic hostess, has refused to seat them for arriving too early. So nobody thought their vote mattered, which was rather nostalgic to anyone in America who voted in 2000. Indeed, in a lovely touch Dick Cheney could only dream of (and, believe me, he does), Hillary was the only name on the ballot. How wonderfully Stalinist! And no wonder she wants those delegates to count.
The problem the DNC has is that it has dawdled too long in deciding what to do about naughty, eager Michigan and Florida. If the DNC was going to seat delegates from Michigan and Florida, the procedure for doing so needed to be agreed upon before it was known which candidate would be helped the most. If the DNC does anything now, it will just look like what it will, no doubt, be: dirty politics aimed at derailing a legitimate nominee. And it will leave an unsightly stain on the legitimacy of the ultimate nominee. Hillary, no stranger to unsightly stains, won’t be bothered by that, but other Democrats should be. Maybe in lieu of a vote the Michigan delegates can be given a lovely corsage to wear at the convention. And the Florida delegates can get more flattering lighting for television — and tips from patient stylists on how not to look quite so noticeably Floridian. That should make everyone — except Hillary — happy, no?
But Hillary’s 2008 approach to counting the delegates may wind up being very much like George W. Bush’s 2000 approach to counting the votes: Don’t. Unless, of course, they are of the unelected “superdelegate” variety. You just know that Hillary is already thinking of them as 796 little Supreme Court justices. Honestly, you should see the way Hillary has started looking at them! I haven’t seen such covetousness since Laura “Pickles” Bush gave me a tour of her walk-in medicine cabinet!

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