Sunday, November 4, 2012

Rules For Voting - Revisited

Sometime during 2008, I posted a message to Facebook about certain rules for undecided voters.  That Facebook posting has since been relegated to the digital round-file in the sky, but I felt that it was a good idea to resurrect my posting, and give it a little bit of a modern-times flavoring.  I'm quite certain that there are almost no undecided voters left out there, but one or two might still be holed up in a commercial-free bunker somewhere completely off the grid. (Which means they'll never read this blog post. Ah, well.)  Here they are (as best as I can remember, since I'm doing this solely from memory).

Rule #1: All things being equal, vote against the incumbent. [Note: I, of course, argue that, in the case of 2012, all things are not equal, and that the case against Rubberman Romney is a slam-dunk. But, this is rule #1, and I must report it faithfully.]

Rule #2: All things being equal, vote for the female. If there is no female running, go back to rule #1. If the female happens to be an incumbent, proceed to Rule #3.

Rule #3: When still in doubt, find the biggest moron you know and ask who he's voting for. Then vote the other way. [Note: All the biggest morons I know are voting for Romney. These include, but are not limited to, Glenn Beck, Pat Robertson and Donald Trump. Even Homer Simpson voted for Romney.]

Rule #4: Conversely, if you're still undecided after all that, find the smartest person you know and ask who she's voting for. Then vote the same way.

Rule #5: If, after all that, you're still not sure, stay home. You're too much of a moron yourself to vote.

Rule #6: Vote third party if you happen to live in a non-swing state. If you live in a clearly decided state, such as New York, Texas or California, voting for a third party lays the groundwork for a less divided and more cooperative legislature in future elections. However, if you do live in a swing state, don't even THINK of voting third party. That way your vote always matters the most no matter what. [Note: This one is new, but it's a good one.]

Those are the voting rules! I welcome feedback on these!



P.S. New rule that I just thought of: Always vote against the candidate who is too chicken to appear on late night talk shows! (Three guesses who that might be!)

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