Friday, January 2, 2015

Mayim Bialik: Snap Out Of It!

This week we’re telling YOU to snap out of it, Mayim Bialik!  When you played Blossom, we watched your young career, well, blossom.  And then you warmed your way back into our hearts as Amy Farrah Fowler, kindling your odd relationship with Sheldon Cooper on The Big Bang Theory.  And when you did we in the rational and skeptical community lauded you as an ideal role model for young girls everywhere, for unlike most actresses, you are a degreed neuroscientist, and your Ph.D. hangs proudly on your wall at home.  But then you had to go and ruin the ride.  You publicly stated that you don’t vaccinate your kids – something no responsible parent would do, much less a responsible scientist.  You belong to this creepy thing called the Holistic Mom’s Network, as if any person who belongs to an organization with the name “holistic” in the title doesn't instantly lose her scientific membership card.  Having a science-promoting actress is one thing, but when that science turns out to be pseudoscience, you end up being a wolf in sheep’s clothing.  Or rather, a true sheep, as only a mindless sheep could be herded into crackpot thinking in this way.  You are a sheep in wolf’s clothing, in sheep’s clothing.  And that, by the way, is a holistic metaphor!

Yes, we once were pleased that someone with a Ph.D. in science would turn to acting instead of breaking new ground in the laboratory.  But now we know the truth of why you came back to the studios.  No, it wasn't for the money.  It was because you can’t hack it as a true scientist with all your woo-woo thinking!  You can’t be a real scientist, and so you pretend to be one on TV instead!  You are not the idealized role model for young girls we thought you were.  You are instead the poster-child for, “Don’t let this happen to you!”  You studied neuroscience, but weren't able to figure out your own neurons!  In a world where skeptics and freethinkers are stocked full of lonely males hoping for more women to embrace science and reason, you were their greatest light of hope, and are now their darkest shadow of letdown.  At least you are an ideal role model in one sense:  You are a shining example that achieving a Ph.D. is no guarantee against being flat-out wrong.

But it’s not too late, Mayim.  You don’t have to wait for one of your precious children to die of whooping cough in order to come to your senses.  You can take heed from the many women who once belonged to the Holistic Mom’s Network, and left after they became sick of seeing their children get sick.  You can then very publicly tell the HMN to go take a long walk off a short cliff, vaccinate your precious children, and take a stand for real science.  And when you do, I’ll convert to Judaism and FedEx you my ring and marriage proposal.

So, Miss Amy Farrah Fowler, we at the Sacred Cow Wursthaus take great pride in grasping the polka-dotted back-strap of your Victoria’s Secret brassiere, yanking it back and letting it fly to give YOU a well-earned snap between your scapulae!  Mayim Bialik, SNAP OUT OF IT!

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