Wednesday, December 19, 2012

I Have A Solution!

With all the talk in the nation that’s been going around regarding the shooting in Newtown, Connecticut, and how to prevent it, it would seem remarkably arrogant of me to step up and imply that I know better than all of them by saying that I have a solution to the problem.

Well, I have a solution to the problem.

In my earlier not-so-serious blog post, I pointed out that more people having non-lethal defensive weapons would prevent any shooter from getting very far before being stopped. Yes, such defensive weapons may be abused, but so might any other weapon. Well, on a more serious note, I do believe I may have been on to something. The Taser may just be the workable solution.

Tasers are sensibly legal in 44 out of our 50 states. But in a few, more backward members of our union (at least in this regard) such defensive weapons are actually prohibited.

Connecticut is one of those states!

Yes, in the state of Connecticut, a Taser may only be kept in the home. Schools such as Sandy Hook cannot even have a security guard which is armed with one.

Okay, cue the Dragnet theme song as you sing this next line:

Dumb…… Dumb, Dumb…Dumb…… DUMMMMMMB!

The other states which prohibit Tasers are Massachusetts, New Jersey, New York, Rhode Island, and Hawaii. Tasers are permitted only with a firearm registration in the District of Columbia, and only certain kinds of Tasers are legal in the state of Florida. But in Massachusetts, New Jersey and New York, it is possible to buy a GUN, but NOT (*head slap!*) a Taser!

Dumb…… Dumb, Dumb…Dumb…… DUMMMMMMB!

And in the state of Rhode Island, it is possible to buy an assault rifle, but not a Taser!

Dumb…… Dumb, Dumb…Dumb……  No, wait, stop the music! That’s just holy FUCK bat-shit stupid insanity!

At least in Hawaii, Tasers can be carried by cops, and guns are banned.

Imagine a world where every school security guard has a Taser. Imagine teachers having a coded lock box underneath each desk with a Taser inside. If some insane kid enters a school and starts shooting, any teacher can go under the desk, type in the code, and have some means of defending his or her students. Yes, this would be a weak defense, but it is much, much, MUCH better than nothing, and will work splendidly at slowing down any assailant to a crawl, allowing law enforcement enough time to speed their way to the school and send in the S.W.A.T. team!

If even one teacher or security guard at Sandy Hooke had this, there would be a lot fewer little angels in heaven, and more here on earth.

By the way, where is the National Taser Association? There isn't one, unfortunately. The National Rifle Association - excuse me, I mean the National Assault Rifle Association, because that's closer to the truth - simply does not defend a citizen's right to defense with a non-deadly weapon. No, they would rather people kill other people. I suppose that might come from an inward desire to see people who hold up businesses or commit muggings killed on sight, but if defense is the whole point (and they say that it is), isn't defending the Taser the highest priority? Is there ANY excuse for prohibiting a Taser anywhere? I strongly argue no! The National Rifle Association is an utterly pointless organization, unless it defends Tasers first!

To this, I need to add one more thing: My friend Angie Olson, an amazingly intelligent woman whom I increasingly admire, recently posted to Facebook about the importance of emphasizing mental health efforts if we are to avoid such future tragedies as the one in Sandy Hook. Boy, did she hit the nail right on the head! If we have a lot fewer crazy people out there, then by extension we're going to have a lot fewer crazy people shooting off guns! And, I might add, if we focus this attention upon young males, we're putting the effort right where it's needed the most. The one constant with mass shootings is that the shooter is always young and male. There's nothing wrong with people being young and male per se, but we can no longer allow young males to be perpetually pissed off at the world. From now on, excessive teenage male anger must be classified as a mental illness.

So there it is. Tasers, along with gun licensing, the banning of semi-automatic assault rifles, the outlawing of certain kinds of ultra-deadly ammunition, prohibiting large-capacity bullet clips, and a HUGE emphasis on the mental health of our young people, especially teenage males, is my overall solution. Agree with it or disagree with it, I challenge anyone to test it in debate. I think I can defend it without having to resort to firing on anybody.

In the meantime, I plan on someday buying a Taser for home defense. And they can have it when they take it from my cold, dead hands!



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