In Defense of Susan Rice

Some of you gen-X’ers out there might be too young to know about this, but the Colgate Co. once had an ad campaign back in the 1970’s which told TV viewers that Dawn dish-washing soap got dishes “so clean, they squeak.” To emphasize the point, the middle aged actress who was pitching the product would, with sincerity radiating from her smiling eyes, hold her freshly-washed plate in her hands and run her wet finger across the surface.  It would make a squeaking noise as the plate, now completely grease-free, would make the kind of noise based on the same principle that resonates a glass harmonica. Several other Dawn dish-soap commercials talked about dishes being “squeaky clean” and “passing the squeak-test,” and the phrases entered the popular lexicon, leaving most 20-somethings to be potentially confused as to the meaning 35 years later.

So when I make the following statement, I want there to be no confusion as to my exact meaning.

Susan Rice is so clean she squeaks.

I mean, seriously! There is nothing about this woman that is not five-star, grade-A, 4.0 excellence! Valedictorian, Magna Cum Laude from Harvard, flawless ambassadorship in the U.N., a solid 9.5 on the attractiveness scale and probably even looks perfect in a bikini.  Is there anything about this woman that isn't over-qualified for the job of Secretary of State?

Why, oh why then, are Republicans so up in arms over this woman?

Um, guys? You’re persecuting the wrong babe. The one who slept with David Petraeus is over there.

I used to think that this all might be a peremptory strike against the possibility that this woman might become a political candidate someday. After Hillary Clinton, Susan Rice is probably the next likely female to be able to win the presidency someday, followed closely by Condoleeza Rice and Elizabeth Warren.  But the opposition is simply too uniform and coordinated for something like that. There must be something else going on, here.

There is. Should John Kerry be named Secretary of State instead of Susan Rice, a special election would have to be held in Massachusetts to fill Kerry’s vacated seat, and that would give Republicans an excellent chance to get their beloved Scott Brown back into the Senate. After all, Scott Brown is a potential future presidential or vice-presidential candidate as well, and they have no intention of allowing their best golden-boy to be yanked off the stage! So, the game for Republicans is, force Obama to name John Kerry, and then their potential Messiah gets back into the spotlight. To accomplish this, they must sling mud at Susan Rice.

One problem: They’re fresh out of mud! Dirt too! So, to get by, they’re pointing at her spotless jerkin, insisting they see a stain there.

Let’s analyze this alleged stain.

It basically comes in two parts: First, that Susan Rice is too abrasive and/or blunt. Second, that she mislead the public regarding the attacks in Benghazi, Libya.

Regarding part one, that she’s too abrasive, what they mean to say is that she’s too abrasive for a woman. If she were male, she would be regarded as forceful, confident, bold, and possibly even a natural leader. But because she’s a woman, all these are considered negative traits. Really? Bullshit, I say!

So much for that.

And part two, that she misled the public regarding a matter of public interest, let’s take a good look at the track record of Susan’s critics.

The entire Republican party has mislead people about deregulation aiding the economy. Some part of it might have stopped inflation in the 80’s under Reagan, but other than that, everything else they've sold us about absolutism being applied to free markets has amounted to getting ill on too much of a good thing. Shadow banking was deregulated, and we got a Savings and Loan crisis. Credit lending was deregulated, and we got a credit-card crisis. Housing loans were deregulated, and we got a housing-bubble crisis, and its hideous aftermath. We’re learning the hard way that those banking and lending regulations are in place for damned good reasons, and removing them does not stimulate economic growth – or if it does, that the growth is short-lived, and collapses into recession. And this is just one economic area where Republicans have mislead the American public for 40 straight years.

On the talk radio circuit, whether it be Rush Limbaugh calling Sarah Fluke a “slut,” Glenn Beck calling Obama the Antichrist, or any number of other whoppers, the over-paid propagandists have been out there misleading everyone on everything from taxation to foreign trade. As long as they defend the rich executives who ultimately pay them, they’ll go on spin-doctoring things to mislead voters into voting for fat-cats who pretend at piety.

In short, even if the allegations against Susan Rice are true (which they are not), they are accusing her of doing just once what they, themselves have been doing consistently for an entire lifetime!

This isn't just the pot calling the kettle black, it's the entire cookware set! Every clown in the circus is daring to call her silly!

Well, so much for that, too! Susan Rice should be immediately confirmed as Secretary of State. If the Republicans who criticize her are successful in getting her removed from consideration, then they should all also be removed from consideration for re-election by the same standard. In a perfect world, that would happen.

If so, Scott Brown might be the only elected Republican left.


Eric

*