Saturday, December 22, 2012
I Predict 2013/14
Okay, it's time to face facts. It's now Saturday, December 22nd, and the world has NOT ended according to the Mayan Calendar. On behalf of all rational people, TOLD YOU SO!
But we might still gaze into our crystal balls (currently looking between my legs) to see what the future might hold for us. Two years ago, I did this very thing, on this very blog, and got exactly nothing right. But it was still fun. As such, here are my predictions for 2013 and 2014. Read them at your own risk.
1.) As John Kerry assumes his role as the new Secretary of State, the special election held to decide who will take over his vacated Senate seat will be won by one of Massachusetts’ newest residents – Ambassador Susan Rice! Scott Brown will again be the loser.
2.) Hillary Rodham Clinton decides that she will run for president in 2016. Her pick for vice president? Sandra Fluke! Rush Limbaugh calls them both sluts.
3.) Obama’s next big reform bill will again go before the Supreme Court, who will again uphold the law with a 5 to 4 vote. The press will initially report it overturned.
4.) Mitt Romney, his political career now over, decides, “What the hell?” and marries his second wife – without divorcing Ann first.
5.) Someone in the Republican Party will remember that Sarah Palin exists.
6.) Grover Norquist makes all Republicans in congress sign a pledge to hold their breath until they turn blue in the face so they can get whatever they want.
7.) John McCain reveals himself to be a vampire that sparkles in sunlight. Senate majority leader Harry Reid is a werewolf.
8.) A large band of U.S. ambassadors storms an Al-Quaeda training compound in the Middle East, killing four terrorists.
9.) Clint Eastwood wins the Oscar for best director. His award is presented to an empty chair.
10.) A gunman armed to the teeth enters the national headquarters of the NRA and shoots 50 people. (Well, we can hope, can’t we?)